beauty | mental health | food | travel

two thousand and seventeen

2017 was a weird year.



January.


Lets take it right back to the very first day of this year. It was a strange one, and the rest of the year kind of followed suit. Things had kind of gone wrong with someone I was seeing over Christmas last year, and I felt shitty about myself and life. However, i was feeling optimistic for the year ahead.


Then on January 9th, I lost my Nan. She died suddenly and very unexpectedly, and this wasn't the best start to the year. She died the day before her 64th Birthday. She is missed and she should still be here, now, and for many more years. She should have seen me have kids. I wish I had spent more time with her and told her how much I loved her. Because I did. She was strong, and caring, and was someone I felt connected to. Rest in Peace Nanny.


At the end of January, I attended a protest with my mum. We marched against Trump's Muslim ban and UK compliancy, and it was an experience. It was in my hometown and it felt good to be involved in something so important with my biggest role model, my mummy.

February.



After my Nan died, my mum and step dad surprised me with the news that we were going to Amsterdam in late February. My mum had booked it because she knew it was something me and my Nan had said we wanted to do together years ago. She had ties there and really wanted to show them to me. Unfortunately this didn't happen, but it was nice seeing the place she wanted to go. I felt like she was with me and I liked that.

March.


Not much happened in March, however I feel as if it was a turning point in my friendship with Izzy. Me and Isobel were really close a few years ago, and then things happened and we drifted. We became pals again in 2016, but it was early 2017/ around March time when we really got close again. Me, Izzy and Ellie are a lil girl gang now and I wouldn't wish it any other way. They are my rocks and becoming close to Izzy again was a blessing. I have always been close to Ell but this new dynamic of the three of us has honestly changed my life and well being. I love them a lot. Here is a picture of me and Ell for reference. Well just Ell really. Let me explain this picture.


This was April actually, but I will talk about it now. Around this time, I was really depressed. I mean realllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy depressed. A lot of shit had gone on, which I will explain in a minute, and I had isolated myself hugely (thus why I didn't even put my face in this picture) and felt like utter shit. That is the only way to describe it. I wasn't going to school (again more on that in a minute) and I wasn't speaking to many people at all. Ell turned up at my house (with prior permission) and bought me a kebab. We didn't even speak that much that night, I had kinda lost the ability to socialise. She was just with me, in my presence, and have me company. Man she really is the best.

April.




Easter. Easter was a turning point for me. I didn't go back to school after Easter. I dropped out of doing my alevels after struggling for a long while, and I don't regret it. It was the best thing for me and I am so relived I did it when I did. 


April also brought Mona, who sadly was only in my life for 5 days. She was really weak and the runt of her litter so she wasn't very well. Those 5 days were magical though. She helped me out of my rut and was my best friend. I miss her tiny fluffiness.



At the end of April, I turned 17. I wasn't really feeling life so it wasn't my happiest birthday, but I went to Brighton with my mum and step dad and we ate some great food, including this doughnut.

May.


In May, my Grandad died. Yep, he was my Nan's lifelong partner so I lost both my grand parents this year. I have never met my mum's parents, so my dad's ones were the only ones I ever had. Loosing him was hard and I just felt so bad for my dad. It brought me and my dad closer as we didn't see him much previously, so I am thankful for that.

May marked one year on YouTube too. You can see a video I did to celebrate here.

June.




June then brought Pumpkin, the light of my life for sadly, again, a short amount of time. Pumpkin was so feisty and funny, but so cuddly and gorgeous at the same time. Her and Stuart quickly bonded, and their friendship made me so happy.

June was also when I started my new job! I work in Marketing and getting into doing something I am passionate about helped me so much! I still work here and I can say that it has been better for me than sixth form. You can see why I left sixth form here and my video about alevels vs apprenticeships here.

July.



On July 1st, so the very start of the month, my mum and step dad surprised me and my brother and got us all a dog. Max, a border collie, has changed my life. May sound like an exaggeration, especially coming from someone who was never really fussed about dogs. However, Max has seriously had a massive positive impact on my mental health. I have always had other pets, like my cuddly bunnies, whom I love so much, but there is something different about dogs. They can read your emotions, give you big cuddles and there are honestly like no other. Max helps me get through the day, even just the thought of getting to go home to him in the evening helps me endlessly. I could not imagine life without him.


I also saw my friend Alex in July and we had Taco Bell evidently. Alex is one of my oldest friends who moved to America in 2016. I hadn't seen him in over a year and it was amazing seeing him again. He was and still is one of my besties and I miss him so much. I can't wait to see him again soon hopefully.



I also went on holiday in July, you can check out my Cyprus video here if you like.  I had a wonderful time! I went with family friends, so no one out of my own family actually, and I really bonded with my amazing friend Anna. It was so great to spend time with her and I really found a new buddy out of it. She is beautiful, inside and out, and I am so lucky to have her in my life now!

August.


In August, it was my two year blog anniversary. It is crazy to think I had had my blog for over two years at this point. You can read more about it and my journey here




At the end of the month, I went to my first bloggers event with Kiss. It was a great experience, it was in Newcastle, and it was also my first time there, and my first time getting a train alone. I think it also marked when I begin to try and kick my anxieties far away into the distance, by myself. I still struggle with stuff, but in relation to my travel anxiety and panic attacks, since before August, I have gotten so much better at doing stuff alone. You can see my vlog from the event here.

September.



These are my favourite pictures from the month of September. They were taken on those remaining warm days, just as Autumn was beginning to rear its head.

Something sad happened in September, I lost my Baby Pumpkin.


I don't actually know what happened. It wasn't like Mona, Mona wasn't strong, so it seemed more "ok" if that makes any sense. Loosing her wasn't any less sad, it was very traumatic, especially because I was going through a very rough time. Loosing Pumpkin was just so shocking. She was fit, healthy, strong and so sassy, you'd never think anything could happen to her. I was so excited to enter Autumn with Pumpkin, it would have been her prime time! Her bright ginger fur and her autumnal name, she would have loved it. I think Mona just needed company in bunny heaven, and so it was her time. I miss both my special bunnies so much. I still have my Stewy, and he is doing well. He is unbelievably resilient,  strong and clever. He is my big boy (he is 7 next year) and we all love him so much.


(This picture is old, it hasn't snowed this year *yet*, but I love it)

October.


In October, we went to Center Parcs, and it was lovely! Such a welcome break, and I felt so calm and anxiety free for the whole weekend. It was just what I needed, and I can't wait to be back in April.


My brother also turned 21, which is well weird. I can't wrap my head around the fact he is 21 and I am almost 18. Me and my bro are very close and his thoughtfulness never goes amiss. He is so supportive and he makes me laugh like no other.


Hello World quickly came around at the end of October and that was a cool day! I actually met Zoe, Poppy and Sean, and it was great to watch the shows and hear from the creators themselves. Watch the vlog here

November



November kicked off with a big trip to London to meet up with my best YouTube friend Andrea. I had the best time and it was honestly the highlight of my year. The fact we got on so well, has much needed retail therapy as well as great much needed chats, plus the fact I overcome so many fears, made it an amazing few days. Andrea is a gem, and if you don't already follow her on everything, you can check out her blogYouTube, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook by clicking on the relevant links.

You can watch my vlog from London here and my haul here.


November was a pretty awesome month as I got to see my favourite band, Scouting For Girls, live with Anna. Elvis ain't dead is my favourite song and it was so cool hearing it in the moment, from the guys themselves. I won't ever forget this night!


I also got my MacBook in November, so I am a real Blogger/YouTuber now.


Here is a selfie for reference too, taken on my new iPhone 8+ I got in November too.

December.

I've been doing Vlogmas!

You can check them all out in the playlist linked above.

It has been so much fun capturing the Christmassy moments of December so far.

Here are some of my highlights / favourite pictures of December so far:



















I want to do a Christmas post here on the blog, as I am hoping to capture some special memories over the coming days, so stay tuned for that.

I thought it would be good to talk about some of my biggest achievements this year. I think a lot of the time people don't praise themselves enough in the fear of being judged or labelled as big headed. I don't think sharing things you are proud of is big headed or cocky, I think it's just reconsigning that you have done a bloody good job and you are happy about it.

My biggest blogging achievements this year - Began to work with brands and PR's to share and produce new content for you. I have also increased my DA since having my own domain. Also getting over 72,000 views on my blog! That is crazy.

My biggest YouTube achievements this year - Getting over 730 subscribers! I couldn't be happier. I have also amassed over 43,000 views on there! I have again worked with some of my favourite brands.

My biggest work achievement this year - Starting my new job, working hard and generally meeting my targets.

My biggest personal achievement this year - Travelling alone. Attending things alone. I went to Newcastle, Birmingham, London...




I know this post has been very photo heavy, but I thought I would share more personal photos with you that you will have never seen before.

What I apparently listened to this year : https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1E9WcO2UbenFo9

In 2018, I am hoping to:

- Continue with my blog and YouTube and get them to the point where I am completely happy with them. Expect bigger, better content and more of me in 2018.
- Pass my driving test
- Travel more
- Girls Holiday
- Start University
- Be happier overall


In 2018, I will be turning 18.


That's mental.

But let's focus on the present. Right now, I am feeling content, excited for Christmas with my family and at peace.

It's been a year. I feel like it's gone fast, but then again I feel like it's gone on forever.

It's been a weird one.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx
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