I honestly don't care

I am exactly where I want and need to be.

So why would I care what you think?

I think I have finally made peace with the fact that some people can't be pleased.

Being a people pleaser, it took a long time to get to that point.

I constantly longed for validation off people. I wanted people to validate that I was good enough. I wanted people to validate that I was worthy of time or attention. I wanted people to validate my own existence.

But now I validate myself. I recognise that I am worthy of time or attention. I recognise that I am worthy of my own existence. I don't look for that in people anymore, because I have found it within myself. And that has allowed me to truly say,

I honestly don't care.

I don't care what you think of me. I don't care that you think I'm weird, I don't care that you don't like my hair, or my clothing choices, or my obsession with astrology or my love for animals. I don't care that you think being vegetarian is odd, or that I wear too much or too little makeup. I don't care that you think doing YouTube is strange, or writing a blog is out of the ordinary. I don't care because I am so happy with where I am, so why would I let people's comments affect me?

I have always tried to not care. But secretly I still always have. A recent turning point made me realise though, when I am truly happy, NOTHING bothers me. I only let things drag me down further when I am already on the decline.

You know in movies, when people seem so free? They bounce along with a pep in their step and a smile on their face? That is how I feel when I think about other's opinions now. I can escape from them. I can separate them from reality. They don't define me, I define who I am and who I want to be. I don't seek validation or long for that attention anymore. I feel sustained enough in my own life, with my passions, work and hobbies that I don't need it from no - one.

This isn't saying I am perfectly happy. I still struggle majorly with anxiety and bouts of depression. This is different. This is about accepting you are GOOD ENOUGH. And that you don't need anyone else to tell you that, only YOURSELF. It's about self love, self care and self worth. I haven't ever experienced pride in myself like this, which is why it all feels new and worth shouting about.

I look back on my achievements and feel proud - rightly so. It is only by doing this that I have accepted this new found mindset. If I can finally feel comfortable with where I am at - no one should ruin or intervene with it.

To clarify. I don't care what you think of me. Even if I don't feel 100%, 100% of the time, I can still see my value which goes beyond what you see on the outside. I can see that I am trying SO hard with University, my job, my online spaces... that I don't need you to SEE that too. Of course it's an added bonus when someone writes or says a nice comment to my face, of course I appreciate those and they make me smile like nothing else. But what I am saying is I don't let the BAD comments get to me. I don't let them change my mood or attitude. Positive vibes and affirmations only folks.

You are enough. Ironic that I am telling you to find this sort of acceptance in yourself and not to look for it in other people, and here I am telling you that you are ENOUGH, but just in case you aren't on this journey of self acceptance yet, I thought I'd remind you of how well your doing and how fabulous you are.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx


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