Posts

How #Covid-19 and it's subsequent lockdown actually saved my life

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TW: depression, anxiety, suicide I want to start off this post by saying that what I am about to write is in no way intended to be disrespectful to the those hugely affected by Covid-19. Whether you lost a loved one or lost something that meant a lot to you - money, a job, a home, etc, I am sending you so much love. I lost a lot due to the pandemic too, but I also gained some things that I'll weirdly enough, forever be grateful to 2020 for, however much of a shitshow this year has been.  Let's go back to the start of 2020. I started out the year in a good place - physically. I saw in the New Year in Arizona with my best friend Andrea. But mentally, my anxiety was the worst it's ever been. I went through something in the previous November which well and truly changed me. It threw my life completely of course and has scarred me. I was suppressing it, what had happened to me, and trying to get by. The trip to Arizona was booked and I was just focusing on being excited for that

#AD. Shopping on a student budget! Finding the best deals with Jack's!

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*Includes paid promotion. Last week I was invited by the Jack's team to check out one of their stores and showcase what they have to offer, here on my blog and Instagram. As you will probably know by now, I am both a student, and vegetarian, so I am always on the hunt for budget friendly, plant based eats. And spoiler alert, Jack's certainly delivered on both of the above. They provided me with a voucher to spend, and I was blown away with how much I managed to buy with it! Thanks so much to the Jack's team for reaching out and working with me, it's been a pleasure! Now, onto the food! Jack's is a new discount supermarket which is a part of the Tesco's family. Jack's offers a fabulous range of great quality products, including ones from their own brand, as well as big name's that you'd expect in any supermarket. Jack's is a discount chain, meaning you'll be paying less than you'd expect for most of their products too. They provide outst

Adam

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One of my most cherished friends, Adam, passed away yesterday. It is with an extremely heavy heart and tears rolling down my face that I type that. I am struggling to find the words to write, so instead I am going to tell you about him.  The first thing I want to say is that Adam was my biggest fan, my greatest supporter. From the day I met him, he read every single one of my blog posts, and watched every video too. It stings knowing that he'll never read this, but I know he is watching over me as I am writing it. He shared all of my social media posts with his friends, always encouraging people to read and watch. He was such a cheerleader for everything I did. I always felt really reassured because of this. He told me often how proud he was of me and it meant so much, knowing that I had someone who truly believed in everything I did. He would send me "daily reminders", he would call them, where he'd tell me that I was amazing. His encouragement and belief in me was e

Happy Birthday, Blog

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Last Saturday, August 15th, my blog, this blog, turned 5 years old. I started this website on Saturday, August 15th 2015. And what a wild 5 years it has been. So much has happened, and I have documented it all here. Well, most of it. You've seen so much, from my thoughts on some lipsticks to intimate confessions. This blog has been my outlet for so long, my escape. It has been my therapy, my place to turn when I feel like I have nowhere to go. It has taught me so much, not just about the internet, but about myself. I am so proud of my journey and I can't wait to keep sharing it with you.  Thanks to this blog I have bagged amazing work opportunities, started a YouTube channel, met lifelong friends, gained confidence, and so much more. It has really become such a big part of who I am and it's responsible for all of that, plus a lot of things up here - mentally. It was my distraction when I was being bullied in school, a place to muse whenever I'm under stress (which if yo

Anxiety be rid

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*Warning. Incoming, word dump. Word dump? You know, like a brain dump. Ahead there's a lot of words, many of which I am not sure make much sense, but I am hoping you'll get the general idea.* I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life where I am completely, utterly, anxiety free. In my head, unfortunately, there is always something to be anxious about. As a matter of fact, a fact I have mentioned previously on this blog, my anxiety actually gets worse when I am happier. When my depression is worse, I have more of a.. “who gives a fuck?” attitude, I won’t or don’t care when things go wrong, where as when I’m happier, well, there’s more to lose.  I’d love to be anxiety free one day. I’d love to be able to say, anxiety be rid! Be gone! and it actually disappear. To live a life where I am not constantly battling overwhelming, all-consuming, traumatising negative thoughts, would be bliss. I can’t even fathom what that would actually be like. I actually can’t believe it when

Thoughts from the air #2

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At lot has happened in 2020. For everyone. Not to brag, but COVID-19 has been the least of my worries for the most of it. This year has seen me struggle in ways that I didn’t know were possible. Crippling anxiety, debilitating depression, taken to the extreme. I started 2020 with high hopes, which by the end of January were shattered. I hoped my 20th trip around the sun would be my best one yet, but the universe had other plans. This isn’t a pity party - this is me, being real and honest and reflecting on how trauma can throw your life off course completely. There was so much I wanted to accomplish this year, and thanks to my mental health - and partly COVID-19 too, a lot of them have had to take a back seat. You may remember that last year, I wrote a post all about what I wanted to do before I turned 20. All the things I wanted to do before I left my teen years. Many of which I didn’t complete due to my mental health. One of my main goals, which has been on my bucket list for a few ye

Life

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Hey. To tell you the truth, I haven't felt like I've had anything to say for a while. For a long while. Anything of purpose, anything I wish to put out onto this blog. My last post was about the TV show " Normal People " because after I had watched it, I had thoughts and feelings spilling out from every possible orifice on me. It spurred up so much within me, that I had to cumulate those thoughts and put those somewhere. Other than that, words have been few and far between on this blog. Maybe it's because I've been using them all up, all the words and all the thoughts and all the feelings on a project I am working on right now... maybe that's why... I have also spoken about this before, A LOT, both here on my blog and my YouTube channel , about how I have this immense fear of posting when I have a lot going on in my life, when I am anxious etc. It makes my anxiety so. much. worse. I haven't just neglected this blog, yet again, I've negl