Tamzin Lena

beauty | mental health | food | travel

23 random questions

As you know, I have recently enjoyed doing more personal posts and things that I typically wouldn't talk about. I thought that today, I would answer 23 random questions, completely honestly, so you could maybe discover something that you didn't already know about me. Feel free to pick a question and answer it in the comments, or if you have you own blog you could answer these yourself! I am going to do a part 2 to this post, but those questions are going to be "deep", where as these are more lighthearted!

1) 3 turn offs

- selfishness
- smoking
- people who take them selves too seriously.

2) 3 turn ons

- people who aren't afraid to say how they feel
- smiley people
- laughter

3) phobia

mice & rats

4) celebrity crush

sam clafflin

5) do you smoke/drink?

i don't smoke, never have, but i have consumed alcohol.. numerous times

6) favourite movie

wild child

7) name

tamzin lena snelling

8) fave band

scouting for girls / coldplay

9) fave music artist

florence and the machine + so many others

10) embarrassing memory

when i thought i had already put my shorts on for PE in primary school, but i hadn't, so i walked into the hall in a top and pants

11) last thing i ate

cadbury's creme egg pot of joy thing (they are insane!!)

12) last text received

"it does my box in"

13) 4 things you hate

- hypocrites
- ear wax
- pins and needles
- mixed signals

14) 4 things you love

- laughing
- bonding with people
- food
- finding a song that reflects your current emotion

15) random fact

i have never broken a bone

16) 3 people you miss

- my old best friend
- my internet best friend
- a close friend i met through YouTube who lives in the US

17) tattoo you want

there's a few, but the ones i want first include a taurus symbol on my finger, a wave on my arm, some song lyrics on my shoulder, and some forget me not flowers, also on my arm

18) a regret

wasting too much time on the wrong people

19) an 11:11 wish


20) craziest thing i've ever done

i guess i'm not that crazy

21) your fave colour


22) nickname

looby / looby lena by my mum

23) fave author

jennifer niven

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

What I am listening to recently

I thought it would be fun to do a post all about the music I am enjoying recently. Typically, I don't have a set genre that I like, I kind of listen to anything. However, if I had to pick one genre, it would be indie pop rock. If that is even a thing. Think Florence and The Machine, Arctic Monkeys, Of Monsters and Men, Kate Nash, Lilly Allen, Coldplay... Here are 5 or so (I had to keep it down) tunes that I have loved jammin' to in the past few weeks.

Speaking of Coldplay, my most listened to song of the past few weeks has to be Yellow.

I have loved this song for years but for some reason I have just wanted to listen to it over and over again recently. I love it so much. It actually came out in June 2000, just 2 months after I was born which I find crazy.

I love that this song is both sad and happy. It is filled with so much emotion and the way it is portrayed is beautiful. My favourite lyrics? The opening lines - Look at the stars, look how they shine for you. My other favourite Coldplay songs include The Scientist and Christmas Lights (which yes, is a Christmas song. I haven't been listening to it recently, don't worry.)

I have also been OBSESSED with the Greatest Showman soundtrack. I have listened to it all most days, sometimes twice. It is incredible.

My favourite songs from it are This is me and Come Alive, but honestly I love every single song. If I had to pick one it would be This is me, and my favourite lyric is I know that I deserve your love. 'Cause there is nothing that I am not worthy of. 

A song that never fails to make me cry is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. For some reason, when they start singing after the intro, it just hits me.

I think I have just developed an attachment to the song and its lyrics. Speaking of lyrics, my faves are Though the truth may vary, This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore. 

A current chart hit which I like at the moment is Dua Lipa's IDGAF

I think it is such a bop and a real feel good, girl boss kinda song. My favourite lyric is So I cut you off,
I don't need your love. 

Another older song that I have been loving recently is Paolo Nutini's Last Request

As you can probably tell, I have been listening to rather emotional songs these past few weeks, which I think accurately represents my recent mood. I listen to sad songs when I'm sad and happy songs when I am happy. That's just what I do ha ha. None of these songs are particularly sad, they are just more mellow and slow, which I do prefer typically. My favourite lyric is Oh, and I realize all about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before. 

I am going to leave this post here for now, I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, I will do more music themed posts soon. 

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx



Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I wanted to do a post to remind you that it is okay if you are single or without a beau. I am asked more often than not if I am with someone, (I don't why this is such a general assumption) mainly in real life but on the internet too, and the answer to that is no. I don't have a boyfriend. I have seen people recently but nothing concrete, and that's okay. (Ish, I am not going to pretend that I don't cry about it on a weekly basis)

Valentine's Day is a weird one. I love any kind of occasion, so I am not bitter or petty towards anyone in that way, but it is hard not to feel kind of down when everyone around you is so loved up, and you might not be so lucky. Whether this be because you have just gotten out of unhealthy relationship or you are struggling with your feelings for someone, Valentine's Day can trigger a lot of issues within someone who is currently feeling that kind of heart ache. Also, even if someone does have a partner, but they can't be with them for whatever reason (long distance relationship, family disapproval or they work away for example) this can also be difficult for them. 

It is so hard to write this post because I am trying not to get it caught up in my present feelings. I guess the whole point of this was to, just remind you that if you are single, it is fine, and Valentine's Day can still be fun and enjoyable, it doesn't have to be tinged with bad memories or bad people. Go out and enjoy yourself, or stay in and watch your favourite film, or just have a good cry (trust me, it helps!) Check out my post I did on The Growing Up Guide, all about things you can do if you are single on Valentine's Day

You may be physically alone, but you are never alone! If you do happen to feel that extra pang of loneliness on the lead up or on actual Valentine's Day, speak to someone! Whether that me a friend or family member, find someone that you think will understand and have a good chat. It is always nice to have an outpour of feelings. And if you can't do that, buy some Ben and Jerry's. I ain't judging. I may join you. 

Additionally, if you have feelings for someone, tell them! Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to do so. You might just get the response you wanted. (insert how much of a hypocrite I am here because there is no way I am declaring my love for anyone tomorrow) 

I hope you liked this post. To be honest, it was more for me. I do enjoy writing more personal posts as it gives me a kind of outlet for any feelings that I am currently, ya know, feeling. I try not to give too much away but it still feels good to put some of it out on a page. - 

I'll tell you on thing though, I do often feel "Unloveable". This jumper was pretty fitting. 

I am going to share a tip with you, and it is something I have done before. It's not Valentine's specific, but it may come in handy around this time. Write a letter. Write a letter to the person you wish you could pour your heart out to but can't for whatever reason. Seal it, and don't give it to them. Hide it, burn it, trash it, it doesn't matter. The fact you have written down on a page everything that you feel, can really help you reflect upon the situation. I mean - you can give it to them if you want, but I ain't that confident. I just keep it to myself, and I still feel as if I have said everything I want to say without causing a stir. 

Bye for now, 
Tamzin xxx


Choconchoc Love Notes | Something different for Valentine's Day

Even though I am single AF, I really enjoy any kind of holiday/celebration/occasion, and this includes Valentine's Day! Even if you are not with anyone, it can be such a fun time! You can check out a post I did on the Growing Up Guide here, all about things you can do on Valentine's Day if you are single.

For this post, I thought I would share with you a Valentine's gift that could be used for your significant other, best friend or family. This is such a cute idea that can be used for literally anyone!

These Love Notes from Choconchoc are a lovely concept.

Everything is edible. The ink from the pen and the paper that lies on the chocolate are designed to be consumed, meaning you can leave a sweet message for someone in a totally new way. The actual chocolate is so yummy too, I couldn't resist having a bite or two when shooting these products...

If you are looking for something unique this Valentine's Day, I would highly recommend checking out Choconchoc and all of their other lovely products. They do presents for Mother's Day, Easter and many more, so whatever type of chocolate you are searching for, I am sure you will find something on there.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

*this product was sent to me free of charge. In no way does that shape or form my opinion! :)


Dressing against the norm — what does it say about you? | Guest Post | AD

From eccentric socks to dressing against our gendered expectations, many people push the limits of social norms when it comes to fashion. Research has shown that non-conformists can be viewed as being of a higher status and more competent than those who follow the rules of fashion. We take a look at what different clothing says about the wearer…

Against gendered expectations

The line is becoming increasingly blurred between male and female clothing. Many people are speaking up, opposing the ideas that men and women should be dressed according to their sex. But, are you presenting yourself in a different way when you dress against the gendered expectations?
Although fashionistas are saying that they don’t agree with gender rules, some research suggests that we’re still stuck in our old ways. Psychologists in New Jersey found that attitudes towards gender stereotypes hadn’t changed much between 1983 and 2014.
There is an argument that shows that it’s favourable for women to cross the gender barrier but perhaps not men. Back in 1990, it was found that — despite the sex of the applicant – if the clothing that they wore was more masculine, they were more likely to be hired. When men dressed in pink however (a colour commonly associated with females), they were seen as less intelligent than women who were wearing the same colour.

Eccentric wear

Another way of going against the grain when it comes to style it through eccentric clothing. When we think of outrageous outfits we may think of people with brightly coloured hair, patterned clothing and over the top jewellery. But, there are other ways to express freedom through dress.
For example, people who wear unconventional socks are viewed as being rebellious and expressive. One of these people is Justin Trudeau, the current Prime Minister of Canada, who shows off his fun side by wearing funky socks with a traditional suit. You can make your own subtle ‘eccentric’ changes through patterned socks by CT shirts, online retailers of men’s formal shirts and accessories. Or make yourself stand out from the crowd through bright scarves and other extras.
By dressing against the norms, studies have shown that you build a brand of being ‘gutsy’. And in fact, people have the potential to see you as more brilliant, creative and successful. One study, published in 2014, found that those who go against conformity can be viewed as of a higher status than those who don’t. They were also considered to be more competent — potentially influencing the impression that they give off in the workplace.
Not only does it affect people’s perceptions of you but it can also affect the way you think, feel and act — this is through ‘embodied cognition’. Since eccentric dress gives you greater potential to express your individuality, it’s possible that it can make you feel more confident and comfortable in different situations. This could then go on to improve your performance at work or in challenges where you want to push yourself.

Against the dress code

In some situations, for a job interview perhaps, it can be argued that dressing in accordance with expectations is the best thing to do.
Under some circumstances, we think that people with extraordinary appearances are more successful.
Men who wear smart, fitted suits as they are often expected to wear in a formal situation, were perceived as being more confident, successful and thought to be earning a higher wage. This was compared to men who weren’t dressed as smartly — in a loosely fitted suit.
In one study that looked at the effects of clothing, it was found that senior managers were rated less favourably if they were dressed more ‘provocative’. This was a skirt slightly above the knee and one button on the blouse undone. It’s clear to see that it is important to consider our dress style carefully as people can make many assumptions without any evidence.
In some environments, wearing your set uniform can improve your productivity. Research found that in a lab, those who were wearing lab coats felt smarter and went on to perform better!
As we can see, dressing against societies expectations can have many effects on the opinion of others and your own performance. Although it’s important to express yourself through dress, you don’t want to hinder your work or your impression on others in formal situations. Wear a pair of crazy socks underneath your day-to-day outfit instead…  


I need your help

Something I wanted to do this year was be more charitable, whether that's agree to donate 1 pound when buying something like I did earlier for world cancer day or take on larger projects that can help in a different way.

So, today, I have released some tshirts to sell for charity. You can get one here - https://www.mercht.com/c/tamzinlena

You could watch the video for the campaign here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQD4DzNWG0s

I'd really appreciate it if you could buy one or share it with someone who could. All profits will go to help send Amy to Africa where she will be helping to get young people into education.

Thanks so much

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

Movies you need to see! #1 | What I watched this month

This month I have watched 2 films at the Cinemas (kind of, we'll get to that) and one at home, so I thought I would share them as they are all must sees! I am going to try and do this most months as I want to go to the Cinemas more!

Number 1 - Coco

I saw Coco when I was invited to a private screening of it at the Walt Disney offices in London. I jumped at the chance to go, even thought I hadn't heard that much about the film previously. I knew that it was a Disney Pixar production, so it would be amazing anyhow, and it was certainly that! The colours are so bright and wonderful and the plot was fantastic. It was so gripping and had twists and turns throughout. I was shocked at how clever and interesting the story line was, to say that the assumed target demographic was young children. I would say leave any preconceptions at the door and go watch it, I'm pretty certain that you won't be disappointed.

Number 2 - The Greatest Showman

I watched The Greatest Showman just last night and was blown away by it to be honest. I knew it had to have been good, with the amount of people talking about it. Plus, my brother's girlfriend who I went with, had watched it 7 times before our visit, making our trip her 8th. I hadn't seen it prior to last night and was so desperate to go! The soundtrack first of all is phenomenal, we listened to it in the car in the way home AND I listened to it all on my commute this morning. I love it! It's so feel good! There is a good plot, I often find with musicals you can get caught up in the music and the plot is just an addition, however with this film, it was the perfect balance. I loved the main story and the music was just a bonus. I loved the underlying love story throughout too (I won't spoil it) and that was probably my favourite thing about the whole production.

Number 3 - Me before You

I had seen this film at least once or twice before I watched it again this month. I know it isn't a new release, it came out in 2016. However, I thought it would be interesting to share other films that I have watched over the past four weeks, in case you are looking for any Netflix/DVD recommendations. I watched this on Netflix, as I saw it was on there. I love this film. Me before You is your classic love story. Rom-Com. Chick flick. Whatever you want to call it. It's based on the novel by Jojo Moyes, and the story is so captivating and emotional. I cried buckets throughout, it's not one of those that just leaves the sad parts until the end (the end is very sad too, but). The whole film had me sobbing one minute and laughing the next. It has my ultimate celebrity crush in, Sam Claflin, so a little bit of eye candy didn't go unnoticed either. He is in my other favourite romantic comedy, Love Rosie, so the cast was definitely a hit for me as always. (Side note, I have watched Love Rosie at least 10 times and could watch it everyday, but I'll save that for another post) If you like a good bawl, check it out.

I hope you enjoyed this post, I know it was a little different! I am thinking of doing a "What I watched this month" YouTube edition, and a "What I watched this month" Netflix edition. Let me know if you'd like that!

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

How to take photos for your blog (of yourself) without a photographer

I decided a little while back that I wanted to take more photos of me for my blog. Because I am vain. I am also sarcastic and that was a joke, it's because I think they give a more personal look and feel to the site. Something I struggled with was taking photos by casual photos by myself, so I thought I'd share my top tips on snapping those perfect "stock block images". If you're a blogger, you might get what I mean. You probs won't though because I just made that phrase up. Essentially, it's just basic images of you that you can use in future posts, like stock images. I take them in blocks so I can use them over time. Now we've established that, allow me to share a few examples and a little bit of advice.

All of the above photos were actually just taken on my iPhone 8+, and that's my first point. Not all your fashion shots need to be taken with a big ass camera, a decent smart phone can just do the trick. I love my phone, because I think portrait mode can produce some smashing images.

Self timer is always helpful. Again, all of these apart from the bottom right, were taken by myself with a timer. The bottom right was actually taken by my mum. I have no shame in the fact I sit in my room and pose for a while until I get the right shot. No shame at all.

Getting your lighting right is key. Natural daylight is the best for blog photos in my opinion, however studio lights can do the trick if needs be. I don't really use lights for the images of me, but I do use them for product shots as they make all the difference.

I think my general top tips would be:

- practice your poses
- optimise daylight
- find clean / nice looking backgrounds that match your blog's aesthetic
- edit them all relatively similar if you do edit, so all the images on your blog have a general flow
- use a decent camera (like I said, the iPhone is fine, but I rely on portrait mode which is 7+ onwards only)
- use self timer
- shake them up so they don't all look samey samey

I hope this post is helpful, and if you want to see anymore "behind the scenes" posts, do let me know.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

What makes a blogger, a blogger?

I am enjoying doing chatty posts so much more recently. It feels refreshing and old school to just kick back and word vomit onto a document. It feels nice to talk about whatever I want to talk about, but one thing I often think to myself is, am I a "proper" blogger?

I started my blog in 2015 as I loved writing and at that time wanted to be a journalist. I had dabbled in the world of online communication but I had never stuck to anything. When I found this outlet, something rang right and I have been rambling away ever since. It was a passion project, and still is. I have always just been me. No fancy posts, no fanciness at all. I kinda accepted that I couldn't be your "perfect" blogger at first and hoped that one day I'd adapt and learn the tricks of the trade. That I would become like those bloggers I aspired to be. But years have past and I'm finally comfortable with saying, I'm a blogger, but not your typical one.

I've never taken a photo of me in front of a white London townhouse with black gates and uploaded it to my blog. If I ever do shoots, it's in my garden or a field near my house or just wherever I happen to be. It's with my friends, and it's fun. I don't post every single day, I don't do this full time. I am lucky enough however to have been recognized by some lovely brands and companies and have been sent PR, which I am extremely thankful for, so the fact I'm on a blogger mailing list, must mean I'm a proper blogger right?

My instagram isn't perfect. It's just pictures of my life. They don't particularly match, they are more personal and candid which I like.I tell myself over and over that this is fine. But I am still constantly comparing myself to other bloggers and other influencers. Will I ever accept that I am a blogger, and a good one at that?

I cringe at calling myself a "good" blogger. I hate saying anything where people might mistake it as me "bigging myself up" but I do think it's important to highlight your successes and feel proud of what you do and what you have achieved. I think I write *good* posts and create *good* content, I have built up a *good* amount of views and started to produce *good* videos for my YouTube channel.

Something that confuses me and makes me question my role as blogger quite often is Twitter. I see bloggers on Twitter with thousands of followers and 50+ replies to every tweet who then tweet saying that they have hit 1000 views on their blog, which is amazing. But, this throws me off, as I have over 85,000 views on my blog, but less engagement and less of a following on Twitter. I often worry that I am not recognized as part of the blogging community, and that I'm kind of riding solo...

Am I being too honest? I am not in anyway bashing anyone, I am just trying to explain that when you're a fish swimming in a rather large pond, it's hard to determined how successful you actually are. I said in a post a while back that I judge success by happiness and I stand by that, I am happy with my blog and where it's at, meaning I do feel success in that way.

I think celebrating every blogger and all of their achievements is so important. But I often feel as if I don't quite fit in, which is ridiculous, because the point of blogging is that everyone can do it. I just don't know where I stand with it always, and that makes me feel kinda sad! It's different for YouTube, I definitely have a community on there. Often on my blog, I feel like I am talking to no-one, like I am shouting into a black hole, because even though I get the views, I don't always get loads of comments etc. On YouTube, people comment on my videos and we chat, I always feel like I am talking to people. Like I have an audience, I can picture them in my head when I'm filming. When I'm writing, I don't know who is reading. It really does just feel like I am talking into an empty void.

No shade, I know your there, yes you, reading this. Make yourself known! Let me know that you are reading! I would really appreciate it! There's nothing more I love than replying to comments on my YouTube and occasionally my blog, so introduce yourself! Even if you don't feel comfortable doing that, or like to remain an anonymous, silent viewer, that's fine! If you want to reach out, you can contact me on any social medias, or drop me an email on my non business email - tamzinlena@gmail.com.

I feel like this would be a good place to leave this post. I hope you enjoyed it somewhat and maybe if you're a blogger too, you found it relatable or could understand where I am coming from.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

18 things to do before I turn 18

I turn 18 on the 28th of April 2018 (3 months time!) and here are 18 things I want to do before then.

- Have a social media detox
- Do some sort of fun run
- Get over it
- Save money for summer
- Learn how to do laundry properly. I always forget how to use the washing machine.
- Re connect with people from my past
- Go to a theme park
- Read a fricking book
- Go to Lucky Fox in Sheffield, I've been dying to try that place for ages
- Get fit
- Do a few more "blogger" shoots with my friends
- Have my nails done professionally (never had them done before!!)
- Cook a really good meal for my family
- Achieve 1,000 subscribers on YouTube
- Achieve 100,000 blog views on my blog
- Find my style more
- Watch at least 2 of the Netflix series on my list
- Be happy

I hope you enjoyed my list. What would you add?

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx


Travel Anxiety: My experience

I get anxious a lot. 

Whether it is related to travelling, or something completely different, I experience that feeling of my stomach clenching, an overwhelming feeling of nausea and constantly being on edge a lot. If you suffer with any kind of anxiety, you'll understand, that sometimes you feel like this for no reason at all. That's what anxiety is. 

A lot of people often say, what's the difference between being nervous and experiencing anxiety? 

It's quite simple, one is rational, and one is completely irrational. 

This means that typically, you can exactly justify why you are feeling nervous. You may have a test coming up, or you may have to speak in front of a large crowd. That's being nervous. What can make that anxiety is if you over think it so much you end up creating impossible scenarios in your head. 

Anxiety is irrational. Anxiety is the feeling you get and you can't think of a reason why. You just feel anxious. Worried. Scared. You may be out there living your best life and all of a sudden it hits you. That feeling of dread, that feeling of panic. You can almost feel it sweep you from beneath your feet. Like an unwelcome gail, knocking you several steps backwards, or in my case, forwards. 

When I feel anxious, I feel like I have to move very fast. The panic sets me in what I call "go go go" mode. Everything is happening so fast and if I don't live up to that I will fall behind. It drives me insane. The constant stream of irrational consciousness circles around in my head and I feel as if I can't break out of the everlasting feeling that is anxiety. 

I really wanted to do a video on the topic of travel anxiety but I feel as if I will articulate myself better in a blog post, so here we are.

I want to talk openly and honestly about travel related anxiety, but not in a pushy or patronizing way.

More often than not I will read a blog or instagram post about mental health that just doesn't resonate well with me. It's either because it feels too "perfect" if that makes any sense. They tend to offer this seemingly great advice, which never works. They tend to glamourise it slightly, and make it seem like it's such a good thing to have, and then eventually overcome. No. I'd rather not have it at all, thanks.

I could go on and on about my general day to day anxiety. But in this post, as I have mentioned, I just want to focus on travel anxiety, because that is something I have really been trying to overcome these past few months.

I want to start off by saying, I love travelling. I love exploring. I love experiencing new places and new cultures, and rare for someone with anxiety, the change excites me
I have a constant wanderlust, I am always seeking out what I can do next and where I can go soon. Except one thing used to get in my way, this. This feeling.

It still gets in my way, it's not something I have eradicated from my life completely. I don't think it's something I'll ever be able to shake, but it is something I am learning to manage.

I am a BIG believer in "practice makes perfect" and that kind of mantra. People may say "You can't have travel anxiety, you go places all of the time!" that's because I refuse to let things stop me. It'd be far too easy to just give in, let it win, and not experience everything you want to. I'm not like that.

One person I have to thank for that is my mum. Growing up, we went on holiday, I would say, either every year or every two years depending on the money situation. We would go somewhere different every time, and I have this to credit for my resilience when it comes to my travel anxiety.

I think if I hadn't experienced this as a child/teen, I would have never had the nerve to step outside my comfort zone. If we had gone to the same place every holiday and gotten so familiar with the same airports, the same flight length, the same destination, the same people, the same culture, the same food, the same atmosphere, the same length of stay etc, I would have gotten so used to just that. Having the opportunities to go to new, fresh places was so so so valuable, I feel like it really made me a well rounded individual. I am not saying if you go to the same place often that you aren't a well rounded individual, but in my case with the issues I have, it was certainly so beneficial to me.

Another thing that helped is that my mum rarely says no to me when it comes to going places on my own. That's my issue, travelling alone, and when I say alone, I mean literally on my own. If I throw an idea to go out somewhere on my own, like when I went to London, I don't even really have to ask her really, I have always just been encouraged to get out there. I think my mum does this because she knows how I struggle, but she shares my mantra of "practice makes perfect". She doesn't wrap me in a cotton wool, she likes to shove me into the real wool. Which in hindsight, I'm so thankful for. You are never going to get over the fear of doing something if you never do it. That's a fact.

I'd say my travel anxiety stemmed from a car accident I had when I was 10. It's weird that I have not actually spoken about this before on my channels, because it has been a big part of my life. Not only did it affect me mentally, and onset a lot of my anxiety surrounding transportation, it left me with numerous scars on my face. The crash was really bad and I think that association affected how I feel about going places, especially alone. This crash happened when I was with people I didn't know that well, I wasn't with my mum or any of my family, so looking back, I think it made me anxious about going places without my mum/immediate family because of what had happened without them. It's just that association, it's all in my subconscious. I don't get on a bus or a tram or a plane or in a car thinking it's going to crash. (I do, but I mean it's not just that, I just think something bad is going to happen, whatever that be)

My first time ever going somewhere alone on a train (I've gotten a bus a million times on my own before, I'm talking long distance, new places etc) was when I went to Newcastle for a blogger's event. I was petrified. I documented my feelings on a vlog I did, you can check it out here. I've always been independent, my mum brought me up like that. I have always done everything for myself and that's another reason why I knew I was able to do things like this.

In November, I went to London alone. I had only ever visited London once before, the year prior. the first time I went with my friend and her mum, and we did all the typically touristy things, because I was new to that. I didn't like it all that much to be fair. It was so busy. So claustrophobic and so chaotic that first time. I wrote of London as a place I'd like to visit again. It just seemed like it wasn't for me.

Then, my friend Andrea, who resides in Phoenix, Arizona, announced she was coming to the UK, London specifically for an event, and I just knew I had to snap up the opportunity to meet up with her. So I did. I booked the trains and the hotel by myself and when the day came, I headed out feeling the most apprehensive I have ever felt. And honestly, I had never felt so anxious than I did on that journey.

I got on the bus to the train station, and that was fine. The turmoil started when I got off the bus and began the walk to the train station. This immense feeling of panic took over. I wasn't going to miss the train, I had plenty of time, yet I felt the need to sprint as fast as I could, through the bus station, across the road, through the train station and straight to my platform. On that walk, I was having to stop myself from throwing up. I was gagging (sorry for the TMI) and having a full on panic attack looking back. It was awful. When I got on the train, I felt so anxious I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t look or go on my phone or read my book or anything. I just sat there for 2 hours, trying to recover and get in the right frame of mind. When I got off the train, I was trying my hardest to not let that happen all over again. I had to get a tube to my hotel and that was an ordeal, but when I eventually made it to the station nearest to my hotel, I was so relived and so so so proud. I just stood and looked outside and around me (I was at Blackfriars station) and took this photograph, which means so much to me. The sky was so blue and so clear and London was so quiet. I felt so calm after the most hectic morning.

One thing I've never done alone (yet) is take a flight. I've taken flights without my parents, whether that be with family friends or school, but never actually alone. This year I want to, wait, scrap that, this year I am going to. I am going to fly alone. I am. I am a massive believer in if you say something will happen it will, mindfulness and positive thinking, and that makes me so excited. I am going to fly somewhere I really want to visit, long haul, and alone, no matter what might try to get in the way. I actually don't mind the actual flying - I love it. I love the fact you're up the sky, away from earth, I think it's really peaceful and relaxing. It's just the in-between bits I don't like, the airport, it's chaos, the never ending thoughts of "what about if I miss the flight?" even though I'll arrive to the gate two hours early.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I hope it has come across as cohesive! I was unsure exactly what to say, so I thought I'd just literally share my thoughts and what was on my mind.

I know I said I was planning on doing a video in relation to this, and I might still do. Maybe a Q & A all about travel anxiety and how I overcome it? I know I haven't spoken about what exactly I do in attempt to manage it, but I could speak about it more that video if you have some Q's. Leave them in the comments or tweet me, @tamzinlena and I'd be happy to answer them in a later Q and A.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx


Why #SmallYoutubers are important | YouTube Partner Program demonetisation

It's a hot topic at the moment.

Yesterday morning, it was announced that YouTube was to demonetize all "small channels" which have less than 1,000 subscribers and/or less than 4,000 hours of watch time in the last 12 months.

This is being linked to part of the response to Logan Paul's latest antics.

The only thing I can compare it to is you remember when you were at school, and their was that one naughty child who would always play up, and get the rest of the kids in trouble? The whole class would get detention even though it was only one person's fault. This. This is how it feels. Except YouTube is the teacher and Logan is the naughty kid.

It's. Not. Fair.

And before you say it, because believe me I have heard this accusation about 1,000 already, it is NOT about the money.

Most small YouTubers make nothing. Zilch. Zero dollar from YouTube. It's a labor of love, passion and commitment. Some people do, and this would have affected them in this way, but the majority of people with less than 1,000 subscribers don't. Purely because YouTube run ads on their videos and "give" them very little for it. Little is in quotations because quite frankly, no small YouTuber ever sees that money increasing.

It's about the premise. I think I have said / typed the word premise 59 million times over the past few days. It's the fact that YouTube don't value smaller creators as a part of their business / bigger picture. From a business perspective, it's this generation of influencers that are going to potentially take over when larger creators fizzle out or people loose interest.

Finding new, smaller channels is a great passion of mine. I was never a fan of the "sub for sub" culture, but what happened yesterday didn't feel like that at all. It simply felt like networking, connecting, like you would do in any other role. It felt like making friends in the business. It felt nice to feel supported by YouTubers of all genres. I spoke to people from all different kinds of channels. I spoke to people from gaming channels, from art channels, from channels that are a world a way from mine. It was so good to connect with new people and find new channels in the aftermath of the another adocalypse.

I saw tweets from larger creators that said something along the lines of, "Why are small YouTubers kicking up a storm? I didn't get paid until 2 years after I started YouTube!! You should do it because you love it, not because of the money!!"

Honestly, I took one look at the tweets and couldn't help but think how self entitled they sound.

How condescending to put yourself on that kind of pedestal?

For the last time, it's not about the money.

Not only are YouTube apparently taking away some of our creative features such as end screens and cards, they will not push our videos into searches and suggested vids.

When a video has ads on it, YouTube makes money. So they're not going to push videos that have no ads on, because they won't make anything. This means that us smaller channels are going to be harder to discover. It's not about the numbers. It's that we are putting so much work into something that might not even get seen by that many people.

I like sharing what I do. I like growing my community and talking to new people and experiencing new things. It's not about gaining subs - it's about meeting and chatting with like minded viewers and friends.

This whole thing just feels like one big slap in the face.

YouTube wouldn't be where it was if small creators didn't do what they did back then. They created the passion, the drive, the love for the site. They may be the bigger creators now but they started out just like us. Well, most of them anyway.

Let this change be the freedom you need, not a setback.

Remember moving forward, you can help support channels by subscribing, liking, commenting, sharing, engaging. I want to do more of that too. Spread the love!

You can check out my channel here if you haven't already, I'd really appreciate it! See you over there! https://www.youtube.com/tamzinlena

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

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