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Showing posts from 2020

Adam

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One of my most cherished friends, Adam, passed away yesterday. It is with an extremely heavy heart and tears rolling down my face that I type that. I am struggling to find the words to write, so instead I am going to tell you about him. The first thing I want to say is that Adam was my biggest fan, my greatest supporter. From the day I met him, he read every single one of my blog posts, and watched every video too. It stings knowing that he'll never read this, but I know he is watching over me as I am writing it. He shared all of my social media posts with his friends, always encouraging people to read and watch. He was such a cheerleader for everything I did. I always felt really reassured because of this. He told me often how proud he was of me and it meant so much, knowing that I had someone who truly believed in everything I did. He would send me "daily reminders", he would call them, where he'd tell me that I was amazing. His encouragement and belief in me was ev…

Happy Birthday, Blog

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Last Saturday, August 15th, my blog, this blog, turned 5 years old.I started this website on Saturday, August 15th 2015. And what a wild 5 years it has been. So much has happened, and I have documented it all here. Well, most of it. You've seen so much, from my thoughts on some lipsticks to intimate confessions. This blog has been my outlet for so long, my escape. It has been my therapy, my place to turn when I feel like I have nowhere to go. It has taught me so much, not just about the internet, but about myself. I am so proud of my journey and I can't wait to keep sharing it with you. Thanks to this blog I have bagged amazing work opportunities, started a YouTube channel, met lifelong friends, gained confidence, and so much more. It has really become such a big part of who I am and it's responsible for all of that, plus a lot of things up here - mentally. It was my distraction when I was being bullied in school, a place to muse whenever I'm under stress (which if you&…

Anxiety be rid

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*Warning. Incoming, word dump. Word dump? You know, like a brain dump. Ahead there's a lot of words, many of which I am not sure make much sense, but I am hoping you'll get the general idea.*I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life where I am completely, utterly, anxiety free. In my head, unfortunately, there is always something to be anxious about. As a matter of fact, a fact I have mentioned previously on this blog, my anxiety actually gets worse when I am happier. When my depression is worse, I have more of a.. “who gives a fuck?” attitude, I won’t or don’t care when things go wrong, where as when I’m happier, well, there’s more to lose.  I’d love to be anxiety free one day. I’d love to be able to say, anxiety be rid! Be gone! and it actually disappear. To live a life where I am not constantly battling overwhelming, all-consuming, traumatising negative thoughts, would be bliss. I can’t even fathom what that would actually be like. I actually can’t believe it when s…

Thoughts from the air #2

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At lot has happened in 2020. For everyone. Not to brag, but COVID-19 has been the least of my worries for the most of it. This year has seen me struggle in ways that I didn’t know were possible. Crippling anxiety, debilitating depression, taken to the extreme. I started 2020 with high hopes, which by the end of January were shattered. I hoped my 20th trip around the sun would be my best one yet, but the universe had other plans.
I’m doing it. I am going on an adventure! With me, myself & I. I can’t tell you how liberating it feels. I’m rather spontaneous - so a last minute getaway wasn’t too crazy to me, more just the fact the only person I’m sharing this experience with is you, reader. I’m here telling you my innermost thoughts as I’m high in the sky, watching the people and buildings and cars and roads below fade to nothing as the plane ascends into a sea of clouds...
I’m off on a city break of a lifetime - well, that’s what I hope it will be. I didn’t know much about Bordeaux bef…

Life

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Hey.

To tell you the truth, I haven't felt like I've had anything to say for a while. For a long while. Anything of purpose, anything I wish to put out onto this blog. My last post was about the TV show "Normal People" because after I had watched it, I had thoughts and feelings spilling out from every possible orifice on me. It spurred up so much within me, that I had to cumulate those thoughts and put those somewhere. Other than that, words have been few and far between on this blog. Maybe it's because I've been using them all up, all the words and all the thoughts and all the feelings on a project I am working on right now... maybe that's why...

I have also spoken about this before, A LOT, both here on my blog and my YouTube channel, about how I have this immense fear of posting when I have a lot going on in my life, when I am anxious etc. It makes my anxiety so. much. worse. I haven't just neglected this blog, yet again, I've neglected my YouTu…

Normal People

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Over the past two nights I have binge watched the TV show Normal People. After hearing rave reviews, I knew I had to check it out, and to be honest, in it's own way, it was perfect. Emphasis on in its own way. Allow me to explain.


Love isn't perfect. It never is. And that's the point of this whole show. To show an accurate, raw and honest depiction of love in the current age. To show how sometimes, even two people loving each other, isn't enough for a relationship to work, or even be healthy. I've heard people exclaim that they wish the ending was different, that they wish they ended up together properly, living their best lives. But in my opinion, that would have completely ruined the show, on reflection. As much as we ship Connell and Marianne, and want them to be together, it wouldn't have made sense for this nitty gritty drama to suddenly become an airy fairy romance tale with the picture perfect happy ending. It was never going to be that. Like I said, it …

Looking back on my 20 before 20 list

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I turn 20 at the end of April and even saying that, well, it sounds kinda scary. I can't believe that I have (at the time of writing this) 44 days left of being a teenager. (I wrote this post a while back... now I only have 15!!!)

In some ways, I am apprehensive about "being in my twenties" and in other ways, I am so excited. I feel like my twenties will be the years I really come into myself after having a horrible experience being a teenager. The only reason I am sad about this part of my life ending is that I worry that I will get too caught up on what these years should have, could have and would have been if X,Y, Z didn't happen. I've come to realise though, that everything does happen for a reason, and I am looking forward to going into my twenties as strong as ever.


I thought it would be fun to look back on the list of 20 things I wanted to do before I turned 20, which I made last year as I turned 19. I filmed myself talking through the list for my YouTube…

How to make simple yet ABSOLUTELY delicious choc chip COOKIES! *vegan* | Quarantine baking

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If you are new around these parts, hey! I'm Tamzin, I'm almost 20 at the time of writing this and I post things on here about food, mental health, university life, and all things in-between! I am super passionate about all of the above and I often make YouTube videos about them too. You can check out my channel here - YouTube.com/tamzinlena.

Today I thought I would share with you my new favourite recipe that I have created. I have baked cookies and spoke about it previously on this blog, most notably the times I have recreated Tanya Burr's infamous ones. You can check out those blog posts here and here.


These cookies however, I believe are the best of the bunch. After a bit of trail and error, I think I have mastered it. That's not to say that these cookies can not be amended however. I am a big advocate of changing things in recipes to suit your needs and/or resources. I'll elaborate more on this later. For now, here's the basic recipe and method. I prepared m…

Getting ready for post-lockdown lashes! | falseeyelashes.co.uk

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*Includes gifted items
A few weeks ago now (pre-lockdown), I was sent some pairs of gorgeous eyelashes from falseeyelashes.co.uk. I got to wear a pair of them on a night out before all of this happened, and I will say, they are my favourite lashes to date! (The ones I wore were the eye candy ones!)




I cannot wait for another night out once all of this is over! The thought of being able to get all glammed up again, wear a gorgeous pair of lashes and be with my friends is keeping me going. Falseeyelashes.co.uk is currently open, so if you want to stock up on some of your favourite lashes, ready for that first night out back, why not head over to their website and browse their endless supply of high quality, stunning lashes? They have lashes to suit every taste. Personally, I really like fluffy lashes, if that makes sense! Light but still dramatic enough to really make my eyes POP! 
I hope life is treating you all well at the moment, I know it's tough, but let's just keep focusin…

What is in a name? | Why changing my name meant so much to me

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If you didn't already know, back in the summer I changed my surname.

It was a long time coming for numerous different reasons.


I shan't be getting into all of those reasons today, because ultimately, they aren't things I want to talk about on here. What I want to talk about is the overall impact changing my name has had on me, and how it has made me feel, and why, it actually meant so much to me, the fact I finally made the leap and changed it.

Without going into too much detail, I changed my surname from the one I was given at birth - my biological father's, to my mum's surname. I no longer have a relationship with my biological father, and though I was sad when I changed it, I am now at peace with the decision I made, and I know that it was the right one.

I was mainly sad back then because not only was my previous surname my biological father's surname, it was my grandparent's too of course, both of whom have now sadly passed. I lost them a few years ago …

Public vs private

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This blog post was written in November 2019 for context. I just forgot to post it due to all my recent stress (ironically) but I wanted to share as it is still relevant, even more so now in a way! There's other reasons I haven't been posting recently and why sometimes I don't post at all (for example, the absence of my YouTube videos) but stress is always a main contributor whenever I go MIA. Sorry 'bout that. Speaking of which, and current times, I am starting to get back on track with being more regular with posting, and it feels so good to pour so much positive energy into something! It is nice to have a hobby again and like I say at the end of this post, writing and having this outlet certainly has an impact on my wellbeing!

Maintaining a private life when you've made so much of it public over the past 4 years is tricky.

I often go through times in my life when I stop posting on Instagram, my YouTube and my blog, because I just feel a bit stuck. I'm stuck b…

A good molecule or two... | SKINCARE FAVOURITES!

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*Includes gifted items

It has been a while since I updated you on some of the skincare that I have found myself obsessed with over the past few months. I have been using Good Molecules after they sent me a couple of items to try out a while back now. Since then, they have sent me their newest releases and I have found myself recommending them to everyone I know... so I decided it was time to recommend them to you guys as well!


My favourite product of theirs which I use every single day is the moisturiser. What I love most about it is the fact it has a priming element to it, meaning it creates the most perfect base for underneath makeup. Anything I apply on top goes on so smoothly and looks effortless. I am also obsessed with their oils, both the ultra hydrating one and the rose hip one. Both feel so nourishing once applied and they sink into the skin so seamlessly. Their serum is great for when my skin needs a little pick me up, and their overnight exfoliating treatment does exactly w…

Healing is not linear

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"Healing is not linear" the quote read. I looked at my phone, and smiled, for the first time in a while. The quote was sent to me by my best friend, a few weeks ago, in the midst of the hardest days of my life. Seeing those words made me smile, as they reminded me how I just had to trust the process, no matter how hard, life altering, and frustrating it can be.


A strange thing to smile at, I imagine you're thinking. Yes, to extent. But I was smiling because I felt seen. I felt heard. I was reminded that I do have a support network around me, regardless of how many times my anxiety tries to inform me that I don't.

The hardest thing about healing is the unknown. Which I guess is probably the hardest thing about everything. The not knowing. How you can wake up some days and not know, have no clue whether the day is going to be a-ok, or cause you much distress, usually from one, seemingly tiny trigger. It's the unexpectedness of a relapse and how the anguish can just…

two thousand and nineteen

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Every year I get excited to sit down and write this post. I get excited to go through my camera roll and look back at all the memories, and talk about what happened each month. This year has been different. I tried to write this post like I normally do, going through every month, and ultimately failed.


It has been a whole struggle. Like big time. I feel like it's because as I was writing it, I was reliving times that I didn't particularly want to relive. Like I knew what was coming, and it's taking me back to a dark place. January, February, March, April... they were pretty good. I travelled to Barcelona, I was looking forward to my trips to Rome in May and Gran Canaria in the Summer. But afterwards things happened and things changed. I was blissfully unaware beforehand, and just thinking about what happened afterwards... well it is giving me anxiety. So much of this year was taken up by two main things. And they makes everything feel insignificant. They cloud over all the…