Reflection | Association

To think deeply or carefully about. 

Isn't it crazy how one place can hold so many memories, both good and bad? 

Isn't it crazy how one place can be so happy, when it has also been so sad? 

There's this place, near my house. It is essentially just a field. Surrounded by trees and woods and nature. It's peaceful. Blissful. Somewhere to escape too. I often go down there when I feel like I just need time to reflect. It's lovely to walk around, and even lovlier to just sit. I used to come here a lot with an old friend of mine. When we were really little, we'd play in the seemingly endless stretches of grass, and down by the stream that trickled through the bushes. We'd play hide and seek, we'd race from one gate to another, we'd sing and make up silly songs and we'd crash and eat a "picnic" that we'd thrown into our bags. 

As we grew older, we'd still go to explore. We called it the usual place - one a playground, then a meeting spot. We'd meet there to chat, sometimes argue. We'd meet there to pour our hearts out to each other, because no one could hear what we saying. This meant that so much got said on this field, and it stayed there. Almost lingering, like a bad smell that was easily recognisable every time we went back. The same things would always get said. The same insults, the same compliments. The same angry words and the same "I love you's." They never got said anywhere else. This place was "safe". 

Reflecting is a dangerous thing to do. It is because one moment you will be reflectng on the good times, remembering the happy memories, longing for them to return. The next moment you will thinking about all the terrible things that have happened there, and all the things you wish you could forget. 

It's a tricky one. That's association for you. We associate things with things and it gets messy. I can't tell you how many songs I "can't" listen to anymore because I associated them with people or memories and now they make me sad. Why do we do this? Why can't one thing have both positive and negative connatations? Or does that just make it more complicated? 

I am a very forgiving person, but not one that easily forgets. Is that a good trait to have? It is tricky to know. I like to think that it is good, the fact I can constantly see the good. But at the same time, it is so annoying. I way too easily forgive someone after they have treat me badly. It's frustrating. But I know that I never forget, which I think is annoying also. I will be friends with someone, but it is so hard to get past and try to ignore what they have done, even if I am okay with it now, X amount of time later. 

I think that is why I choose now to focus on the good. I can go down to this spot, and enjoy it for what it is, rather than what it was or what it means. Just like a song, or a TV show that you watched with someone. Just because you associate it with them, it doesn't mean it has to be about them. I can go down to my favourite local beauty spot, and enjoy it for that. I can enjoy the bird song that fills the air on a sunny day, and I can enjoy the sun which peaks through the trees at the top. I can think about the good memories, and the happiness, and that way it is so much easier to stop the negatve thoughts from absorbing you. 

And to my friend, if you're reading this, the trees are much greener that they used to be. :) or so they seem.