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Showing posts from 2019

How destiny encourages us to let go

Over the past few years, I have become such an advocate of fate. The idea that life you know is so fragile, because if you'd done one little thing differently, everything could be, oh so different. Yet, recently, my thoughts and feels on this have started to change. I began to consider how that fragility effects my mental health, and thus the actions performed by me. I began to question how the idea of fate makes me stressed, as I overthink every decision I make anyway. Thinking that something is such "fate" often persuades us to hold onto it, for a bit longer, even if it isn't right. "Oh but it felt just like fate!" or "it was totally in the stars!" = clouded judgement and stubbornness when it comes to things that don't align with that original belief. Ignoring signs, red flags and inconsistencies because they don't play into our romanticised idea of fate and what it holds... Instead, I have began to explore the idea of destiny. Ma

Dear reader, let me talk to you about letter writing and self reflection.

A fun fact about me: I write. A LOT. You probably know that already, because you know, you're here, reading this. But I don't just write what I publish. I write things that I would never post online, including poems and letters. I have mentioned before about letter writing. The funny thing is though, I write letters that I never send, and I have done for years.  I actually laughed out loud when the film "To all the boys I've loved before" was released on Netflix, because I was so similar to Lara Jean in that way. Over the years, I have written an abundance of letters, not just to people I have "loved before", but to friends, old and new, family members that I do and don't see, amongst others. Whenever I really want to tell someone something - without actually telling them, I'll write them a letter. Sometimes a physical letter, sometimes ones typed and saved onto my computer. I am thankful though - that as of yet - not of the recipients ha

A cherry pie isn't a failure just because you ate it all

Over a year ago now I wrote a post named " What makes a successful relationship? ". I wrote it because I was curious. I wrote it in defence to an altercation I had. I wrote it because I was looking for validation. The whole post was one big discussion about the definition of success, in relation to well, relationships. And when I say relationships, I mean all kinds, romantic and not. I spoke about how all relationships don't have to be society's definition of successful, to be successful for you. I did a lot of reading when I was writing that post, and I couldn't find a source that said what I was trying to say. And then last month, I read a book. It was called "When we collided". And it said what I have been trying to say, for this past year. "That's the thing they never tell you about love stories: just because one ends, that doesn't mean it failed. A cherry pie isn't a failure just because you ate it all. It's perfect

The mess becomes a map once you know how to use it

“I’m a mess” or "it's a mess" is something I feel like I say and a lot of others say, often .  We toss it around, we call ourselves disastrous and complicated. We are so quick to label situations catastrophic and tricky.  I recently read a quote in the book “Open Road Summer” which totally has inspired this post. “The mess becomes a map once you know how to use it”. It really struck a chord with me. It was used when describing the sky, and the stars that are around our planet, however I feel like it can and does apply to our lives too. The mess that we seemingly have created in the short time we have been on this earth can guide us to make better, well informed choices in the future.  There is a lot of talk at the moment about the butterfly effect, and how every, *seemingly small*, decision we make influences and impacts the next one. If we didn’t make bad decisions (/A MESS) we might not be where we are today and if we didn’t make good decisions we also mi

Why it’s okay to cut toxic friends out of your life

“But they’re my friend.” “We’ve known each other for ages!” “They’ve been there for me in the past.” ...All of these are excuses I have heard in the past, reasons as to why people feel as if they cannot cut contact with a friend who brings a shit ton of toxicity into their life. It’s difficult. It really is. These are people we trust/ed. People we’ve built bonds with. People we thought would be in our lives for the long run. Accepting that they might be who we thought they are, or that they aren’t right for us, or that they might need to be cut off... it’s hard to deal with. This post came to me today after I saw somebody in public who I used to be really, really good friends with. We no longer speak after I decided to cut her off due to several insensitive comments she made about me/a difficult situation I was in. This was someone who I had known for 6 years, someone I thought was a proper mate. She proved otherwise, and I decided that was it. Some people might think th

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

We all have to move on. It's a part of life. From whatever it may be, we all have to accept the shit and just move on from it. People move on in a lot of different ways. I have come to realise that the only way I can move on, is when I have stopped being angry. That doesn't mean that I will just stop being angry straight away. I do what one of my favourite quotes tells me to do - "feel what needs feeling". This might take days, months or even years. But I allow myself to go through those emotions, that are often associated with grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Grief doesn't just apply to bereavement. Grief can and does apply to any form of loss, which can include loosing people that are still alive.  It is so easy to stay angry, especially when you're grieving someone that is still alive. In some cases, it's so much easier because there's a lack of guilt. You don't feel as bad for being mad at someone who is alive