A cherry pie isn't a failure just because you ate it all

Over a year ago now I wrote a blog post named "What makes a successful relationship?". I wrote it because I was curious. I wrote it in defence to an altercation I had. I wrote it because I was looking for validation.


The whole post was one big discussion about the definition of success, in relation to well, relationships. And when I say relationships, I mean all kinds, romantic and not. I spoke about how all relationships don't have to be society's definition of successful, to be successful for you. I did a lot of reading when I was writing that post, and I couldn't find a source that said what I was trying to say.

And then last month, I read a book.

It was called "When we collided".

And it said what I have been trying to say, for this past year.

"That's the thing they never tell you about love stories: just because one ends, that doesn't mean it failed. A cherry pie isn't a failure just because you ate it all. It's perfect for what it is, and then it's gone. And exchanging the truest parts of yourself - all the things you are - with someone? What a slice of life. One I'll carry with me into every single someday."

When I read that, it stopped me in my tracks.

You know when something just so perfectly articulates your own thoughts, like it had somehow fought it's way into your chaotic mind, tied up some loose ends and just made it all make so much fucking sense?

I don't even know if there's much else I can say on this topic. The above paragraph just says it all already, and more.

I remember when I wrote that first post, I poured my heart and soul into it. It came from a place of deep hurt and emotional pain. It came from a place of not feeling worthy, nor recognised. I felt like everything I had endured in the previous years had just been disregarded - because society didn't see the relationships I had experienced as "successful'. The guilt this made me feel for so long... I felt like there was nothing I could say to just fully explain what I meant. Throughout that post I was so unsure of myself - but at the same time, I was confident that I had a solid point, one that needed sharing with the world. One that not enough people were listening to, one that not enough people had even allowed themselves to think about.

If you have gone through a difficult relationship, with a friend, lover, family member, colleague, ANYONE, and it makes it harder to accept when someones deems it as a failure, just know that there are others in the same boat as you. We carry these burdens around for a very long time, we don't need the additional burden of being told that were a failure/to blame for a failed relationship. See things as cherry pies. DEFINE YOUR OWN VERSION OF SUCCESS. For me, I measure success based on what I learn. Even if you make a cherry pie, and you wish it had been blueberry, you still have learnt about making cherry pies, but you'll now know what to change next time.

I feel like I am writing a lot about personal development at the moment. My latest post was similar. I wrote about how to turn negative "messes" aka experiences, into positive ones. You can read it here, but here is an extract, which I think fits in perfectly with this post.

"The mess that I have encountered, the mess that you've encountered, they are all just learning curves. Once you recognise this, you no longer see hard times as a road block. You see them as doors to new places. It wasn't meant to be - or maybe it was. The so called "negative" ending to whatever situation, happened to show you something. To show you that you have the power to turn it around, and use the life lessons to make different choices next time."

I think I am writing so much about personal development at the moment because I am you know, developing. So many things in my life are changing - mostly for the better. I am happy at the moment, the relationships in my life are healthy, the people in my life are so, so valued. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self - the one who just wanted to have more solid, stable people in her life, that just a few years later, things would start to look up.

Bye for now,
Tamzin xxx

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